I'm a fully signed up gym member. I go a minimum of 3 times a week for at least 45 minutes and I try to get in an outdoor walk at the weekend. I make all my meals from scratch and I rarely treat myself to a takeaway.
As I step onto the dreaded scales yet again, I ask the question "Why bother?".
My weight resolutely holds one & a half stone above where I think it should be, my Buddha belly was last flat in a different century to the one we are now well into and I'm not too sure where my bum finishes and my thighs start.
I'm tired of waking up with aching legs and a rumbling tummy, I'm tired of making salads interesting in under 300 calories, I'm tired of eating rye bread instead of a fresh, doughy, white baguette.
I know that when I am dressed I look pretty good, I know what curves to accentuate and which ones to hide but it's when I look at myself sans clothes that my body has nowhere to hide. My measurements are below today's UK average but that doesn't make me feel anymore attractive or healthy.
So I continue to bother with my fitness and weight.
I'm not yet so body confident that I will be happy to lie on a beach in November with my boyfriend, the way I look now. I want to be happy to go into a shop and have to ask for a smaller size to try rather than asking if they can help me get out of the too tight outfit I've half squeezed on.
I know that the evenings will soon get dark early, the temperature will drop and the slow cooker will be dusted off ready for hearty soups and stews. This will be when my motivation drops even more, but I will persevere. I don't want to look at myself with a feeling of dread, but of a feeling of pride.
I realise that this isn't just the simple equation of More exercise + Less food = Happy Carrie, there is a more deep seated issue of self image and body confidence that I need to address. Results, positive or negative, will only come from me and so that is why over the coming weeks these words will be written onto my gym card, onto my fridge and onto my mirror...
"Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right"
Henry Ford
This post also appears on the Wednesday Words Link up and Super Busy Mum's Mad Mid-week Link up
Keep going, I am 42 and have just accepted who I am, but would love to be smaller, good luck x
ReplyDeleteThanks Sadie x
DeleteIt's so hard isn't it! Maybe a detox might help? Am sure you look fab anyway ;-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Jo - I think the basics are there, to lose weight healthily is such a slow process, you think you're just not getting anywhere but I definitely feel fitter so that's a start!
DeleteIt's so disheartening when you get to a plateau isn't it, do keep it up though, it's good to be healthy, but at the same time try to change your mindset, look in the mirror and focus on the good things about your body. You deserve to love yourself whatever your size and shape, everyone is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThanks Olivia, I think I need to say goodbye to the 18 year old whippet body and enjoy the 35 year old a little more too x
DeleteMaybe a week off would kick start things again? Or maybe your body is just really happy where it is. I know how hard it is to accept that tho x
ReplyDeleteHi Lollzz - yeah we're off to Holland next weekend and I'll kick back then. It always re-invigorates you having a break doesn't it?! x
DeleteGood for you! Entering through the doors of a gym can be hard enough, but now your a fully fledged member. Big step! Go you! Keep it up and you'll see results!
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up with #MMWBH! xx
Thanks Deborah ~MMWBH had some great posts linking up this week x
DeleteGoing to the gym can be addictive if you get into it though. Set yourself little targets on each piece of equipment and try to beat them each week. I hope you feel better about yourself soon. xx
ReplyDelete