Today is my first day back at work following my (our) miscarriage.
I've dodged the well intentioned "how are you feeling now?" enquiries from colleagues in the dark about the true reason for my absence. I've drank the endless cups of teas from concerned friends, who try to persuade me to take the rest of the week off. I've focused on the necessary month end reports to fill my mind for minutes at a time.
We went into town yesterday and booked the holiday that we thought we'd run out of time to take. For ten nights in June we'll be surrounded by palm trees and the blue lagoons of The Maldives. A point in the future to look excitedly towards. To call it a reward seems strange somehow, but we need this treat to give a different focus in our diaries. A different date to excitedly mark the weeks off for.
As the rain beats against my office window I need to remind myself that despite our horrendous last week, we have a lot to be thankful for. We are secure and healthy, with a wonderful support network to help us through this difficult time. I know we will get there.