Weekly Journal - Crossroads

Today I'm joining in with Danielle at "Sometimes Sweet" and her first Journal prompt of "Crossroads". Each week the prompt word is given on a Monday, for you to link up with on a Thursday.

My whole body was fizzing with the anticipation of this meeting, nervous energy making me skittish and unable to focus on anything other than the man I knew was in the meeting room chatting with my bosses. He was a development coach, brought in to help improve morale and output from Managers. He had been regularly coming to our offices for the last six months and so far I was the only one who had not started an "Improvement" program.

I was not longer able to ignore the fact that my work had started to suffer and go down hill. I was making silly mistakes, forgetting to complete tasks and constantly saying "yes" to even more workload. My team were on the whole supportive, but there was a lot I was shielding them from, fearful that if I told them what a mess I was making they would no longer respect or like me. I was letting people down more and more often, making them doubt my integrity but I couldn't see a way out without making people's lives even more stressful and difficult.

The door to the meeting room opened and I was asked in. As he invited me to sit down I noticed a box of tissues had been placed on a side table, "That's not a good sign" I thought to myself.

He briefly introduced himself and what his role was before saying to me "Tell me how things are going for you?". That well constructed, well thought out question opened the floodgates. Almost unaware of myself I started to cry, unable to even get words out he just let me take the time I needed until I managed to barely whisper "Not so good".

Over the next hour we didn't even discuss my work in detail, instead we focused on my background, family life, childhood, personality, likes and dislikes. I truly felt that he was listening and allowing me space to talk about everything. We spoke about me losing both my parents, the fact that I was single with few close friends, the fact that I felt isolated and under pressure. We even spoke about whether it would be such a failure to leave my job, if it was my choice rather than decided for me.

As the hour came to a close, he very gently broached the subject of more personal counselling away from the workplace. He could see that it wasn't my job that was stressing and upsetting me, but my stress and upset affecting my work. He helped me see that this was an opportunity to move forward. He told me to take some time to think things over and to get in touch when I was ready.

Within a week I requested a meeting with my Directors and resigned from my position. This was just as the recession hit and I had no savings or job to go to, but I knew that I had to take control. I agreed to a course of life coaching sessions to learn that it was ok to say no.

Six weeks on from this I had a new job in a more structured role and had met the man I was to fall in love with. I probably would have met Sion anyway, but if I hadn't made the choice to change my life direction I would have been the sullen girl on the side line of the party, rather than the girl with the big smile who caught his eye.