I myself was only raised by my Mum until I was seven years old, then my Gran took on the "Mum" role. My Dad met a wonderful lady who was his partner until he passed away and she also became a mothering figure in my life.
Let's not forget the Mum of my best school friend who always gave the best hugs and made sure to make our favourite for tea, as well as acting as a buffer between my Gran and I in the "teenage years".
Then there's the older female friends who give the type of advice your mum would give, admittedly usually over a glass of wine. They've wiped my tears, held my hand and fawned over Sion as any proud mum would.
All these women, and others, have in their own unique individual way, been a Mum to me. Some for a passing moment, others for years. I wouldn't be where I am without them.
I want to join the Mum Army. I feel like a Mum. I know how exhausting, and rewarding, and tough, and funny, and chaotic and loving being a Mum can be and I want it so much.
On the surface I am a successful 36 year old woman, with a good career and lots of lovely things. But I don't identify with all the other suited and booted career women. I'd give it all up for that little blue line.
Last year I was watching the Twitter feed for BritMums Live after getting the all clear from my consultant to start trying for a baby again. We had fallen pregnant immediately the first time and I had no reason to doubt it would be the same again. I had visions of me attending BritMums with my own babe in arms and I brought my ticket early.
There is no babe in arms, or even babe in belly. I'm still utterly convinced that we will get pregnant. There's just no telling when. Almost certainly not in time for this year's BritMums. So how can I even attend something so geared towards Mums and Pregnancy if I not a member of the club?
In my mind I am a Mum-In-Waiting. I just don't know if other women would accept that, or think of me as a fraud or a wannabe? Is it OK to identify with Mums more than a child-free woman? Is it even normal to feel like this? I don't have any answers to any of this and it unnerves me. I am powerless to this situation, I have to just let it play out. What will be will be, and all those other platitudes.
For now I'll continue what I'm doing, keeping healthy, happy and relaxed. Loving my nieces and nephews, being the best Auntie I can be. Learning from all the wonderful mums in my life, being grateful for what I have rather than resentful about what I don't have.
My name is Carrie, I am a Mum-in-Waiting.
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