Thursday, 5 March 2015

What makes a Mum?

What makes a Mum? Simply giving birth to a child? Or is it more complicated than that?

I myself was only raised by my Mum until I was seven years old, then my Gran took on the "Mum" role. My Dad met a wonderful lady who was his partner until he passed away and she also became a mothering figure in my life.

Let's not forget the Mum of my best school friend who always gave the best hugs and made sure to make our favourite for tea, as well as acting as a buffer between my Gran and I in the "teenage years".

Then there's the older female friends who give the type of advice your mum would give, admittedly usually over a glass of wine. They've wiped my tears, held my hand and fawned over Sion as any proud mum would.

All these women, and others, have in their own unique individual way, been a Mum to me. Some for a passing moment, others for years. I wouldn't be where I am without them.

I want to join the Mum Army. I feel like a Mum. I know how exhausting, and rewarding, and tough, and funny, and chaotic and loving being a Mum can be and I want it so much.

On the surface I am a successful 36 year old woman, with a good career and lots of lovely things. But I don't identify with all the other suited and booted career women. I'd give it all up for that little blue line.

Last year I was watching the Twitter feed for BritMums Live after getting the all clear from my consultant to start trying for a baby again. We had fallen pregnant immediately the first time and I had no reason to doubt it would be the same again. I had visions of me attending BritMums with my own babe in arms and I brought my ticket early.

There is no babe in arms, or even babe in belly. I'm still utterly convinced that we will get pregnant. There's just no telling when. Almost certainly not in time for this year's BritMums. So how can I even attend something so geared towards Mums and Pregnancy if I not a member of the club?

In my mind I am a Mum-In-Waiting. I just don't know if other women would accept that, or think of me as a fraud or a wannabe? Is it OK to identify with Mums more than a child-free woman? Is it even normal to feel like this? I don't have any answers to any of this and it unnerves me. I am powerless to this situation, I have to just let it play out. What will be will be, and all those other platitudes. 

For now I'll continue what I'm doing, keeping healthy, happy and relaxed. Loving my nieces and nephews, being the best Auntie I can be. Learning from all the wonderful mums in my life, being grateful for what I have rather than resentful about what I don't have.

My name is Carrie, I am a Mum-in-Waiting.


 
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7 comments:

  1. Sweetie. A beautiful and honest article. I think it is wonderful that you want to attend BirtMum. You are a role-model and "special mommy" to your nieces and nephews. A lot of mothers were a "mother-in-waiting" in the past and can relate to you. I have every faith that you sweetie baby will come soon. The waiting game is the hardest part. Best wishes,

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  2. This is a beautiful post! You are no fraud as you say you are a mum in waiting. I hope to meet you at BritMums as you seem a very kind and loving person. The wait game is the hardest part but it will happen when it's right xx

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  3. Ahh this is so beautifully written and as we lead up to Mother's Day I am loving all the devoted and loving blog posts this week. Such a wonderful thing becoming a parent. Lovely post. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

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  4. You are amazing! This post is just so honest and so raw. I really dont know what to say but I will be looking forward to reading more post and update about this =) #pocolo

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  5. I know 100% how you feel, we were trying for our first baby for a year, and every single month I would feel more and more certain that this was our month. It was a long 12 months and made even harder with other pregnancies around, when people were telling me they weren't planned and didn't "want" the baby - cue tears for hours!! - but we got there and she was definitely worth the wait.

    I am sending you lots of luck and wishing you all the best!

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  6. Great post. You'll be more than welcome at BritMums Live - they let me in every year and, obviously, I'm not a mum either! Maybe see you there this year. :-)

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  7. Such a beautiful and honest post. I love the term "Mum-in-waiting" - it is such a good way to describe that time of waiting for that little blue line and starting the journey into motherhood. I remember feeling a very similar way to you while I was waiting for my parenthood journey to start. I hope you see that blue line very soon and perhaps I will see you at BritMums x

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