Monday, 8 June 2015

Starting over...

I've got a post in my drafts folder that is destined to never be published.

It's the diary of my second pregnancy, from finding out we were expecting through to being seven weeks pregnant. Then, just like last time my pregnancy symptoms disappeared overnight. Despite no cramping or other signs of miscarriage I just knew.

We had to have three scans over two and a bit weeks before doctors confirmed that my pregnancy was no longer viable and late last week I was booked in for surgical management.

Despite the pregnancy developing much more than my first time I feel like it's been far easier to cope with the situation this time round. Maybe it was having time in between scans to prepare ourselves, maybe it was the fact that it was always a distinct possibility, perhaps it was knowing what was in store during my surgical treatment?

Of course we've had bad days, of course I'm hugely disappointed that we won't be celebrating this Christmas with a newborn and of course I'm bloody petrified that the same thing will happen again and I will officially have "fertility issues".

But, we will try again. We see children in our future. Maybe it will happen next time, maybe not. Maybe we'll need drugs or medical intervention, maybe not. Maybe we will have to explore other avenues, maybe not.

As I sit looking at hands bruised from needles and feet clad in compression stockings, I know that despite all these fears and worries, we are in a better position than so many other people. I've found the father of my children. We know we can make a baby, we just need to grow one successfully. We have love and support from family and friends to help us.

We will get there.

Count Your Lucky Stars

3 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry that this has happened again xx

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  2. I am so sorry for you loss xx

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  3. I'm so sorry to read this. It must be the most heart-breaking thing. But what a great attitude you have. x

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