I'm a fully signed up gym member. I go a minimum of 3 times a week for at least 45 minutes and I try to get in an outdoor walk at the weekend. I make all my meals from scratch and I rarely treat myself to a takeaway.
As I step onto the dreaded scales yet again, I ask the question "Why bother?".
My weight resolutely holds one & a half stone above where I think it should be, my Buddha belly was last flat in a different century to the one we are now well into and I'm not too sure where my bum finishes and my thighs start.
I'm tired of waking up with aching legs and a rumbling tummy, I'm tired of making salads interesting in under 300 calories, I'm tired of eating rye bread instead of a fresh, doughy, white baguette.
I know that when I am dressed I look pretty good, I know what curves to accentuate and which ones to hide but it's when I look at myself sans clothes that my body has nowhere to hide. My measurements are below today's UK average but that doesn't make me feel anymore attractive or healthy.
So I continue to bother with my fitness and weight.
I'm not yet so body confident that I will be happy to lie on a beach in November with my boyfriend, the way I look now. I want to be happy to go into a shop and have to ask for a smaller size to try rather than asking if they can help me get out of the too tight outfit I've half squeezed on.
I know that the evenings will soon get dark early, the temperature will drop and the slow cooker will be dusted off ready for hearty soups and stews. This will be when my motivation drops even more, but I will persevere. I don't want to look at myself with a feeling of dread, but of a feeling of pride.
I realise that this isn't just the simple equation of More exercise + Less food = Happy Carrie, there is a more deep seated issue of self image and body confidence that I need to address. Results, positive or negative, will only come from me and so that is why over the coming weeks these words will be written onto my gym card, onto my fridge and onto my mirror...
"Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right"
This post also appears on the Wednesday Words Link up and Super Busy Mum's Mad Mid-week Link up